ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
