Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
