I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
