I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
