something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
