I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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