I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
