I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
