stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i think i scared a bird with my dick
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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