Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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