Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.