So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
