girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
