i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
