Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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