i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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