And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
