Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
