You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
