whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
