when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I could fuck to npr.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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