This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
