I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Randomize
