the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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