okay pat passed out under dana's car
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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