dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
me + whiskey = a bad person
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
