A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
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I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Are my feet made of real feet?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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