lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
