everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just invented taco cereal.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
