Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize