I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I can't turn off my feet"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
