Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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