You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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