Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
