How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
