Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
