I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
