Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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