Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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