Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
