bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
