I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
