her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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