I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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