the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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