Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
