You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
