hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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