my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
