Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
