He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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