the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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