id be glad to
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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