Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Your cock deserves a montage
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
