My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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