he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize