I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
