another moral hangover. fuck.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
