Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I skipped work to stalk him.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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