My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
